IC Inbox/Contact

[alloutoflove]

"Hii, this is Yukizome! ♥ Leave a message, please."

ic inbox for utopique voice, text, or still photo

Comments

Day 59, morning

[rockyxiii]

[They're both early risers, aren't they? Juzo doesn't have work today, so after getting up at 5 as usual and doing his morning workout and showering, he needs breakfast . . .

But first he heads to Willow, because, well, he wants to. When he's there he just strolls right inside. There's nothing there to stop him, and he's sure Chisa will be awake by now; it's around 8.]

[alloutoflove]

[ Given how sparse Willow's population is, there's no one to stop him, either. That doesn't mean that the entire way, from the entrance and through the common room, isn't sparkling. It wasn't like it was that dirty the last time he was here, but someone has clearly gone through and thoroughly scrubbed the whole place, rearranged some of the furniture to be more pleasingly set up, and despite the cold, a couple of windows are open for the air.

Something also smells pretty fantastic, so if he follows that, he'll find Chisa in the kitchen, tending to a pan on the stove and humming quietly to herself. ]

[rockyxiii]

[Chisa . . .

Juzo smiles, feeling his heart clutch in his chest a little as he heads for the kitchen and lifts his hand to rap on the open doorframe. By now he's freshly showered and has his hook back on, and he left his coat and boots out by the entrance, like a good boy. Willow . . . looks so much like her. It's the perfect Alliance for her to have gone into. It's so easy to fantasize that this isn't a dorm, but her house, hers and Kyousuke's and Juzo's all together, and—]

Yo!

[alloutoflove]

[ She doesn't jump or anything, though there is a split second where she goes absolutely still -- but when she looks back at him, she's smiling. It's a relaxed one, reaching and warming her eyes, and she beckons him with her free hand. ]

I thought I heard someone. Have you eaten?

[rockyxiii]

I was coming to see if you'd let me treat you to breakfast, but I guess I shouldn't expect you to give yourself a break once in a while. So, not yet.

[His stomach growls noticeably as he shuffles in to take a look at what she's making. Chisa cooking . . . so good . . . ]

[alloutoflove]

It's been a while since I've worked in a kitchen this nice!

[ I mean, probably she's worked in some of the nicest available after the world went to hell, especially with her connections and her own position in the Future Foundation, but old-fashioned or not, there's something to be said about a well-stocked kitchen in peacetime.

She's making omelettes, apparently, in the last stages of folding one over. ]

And I won't let you take me out until I've got the money to do the same, sometimes. That's fair, right?

[rockyxiii]

How's that fair? You're in here cooking, and unless you turn me away, I'm gonna take advantage of it. That's harder work than me buying you breakfast. So next time, let me treat you.

[That does look good. If she turns him away, he just might die.]

[alloutoflove]

I was doing it anyway! So it's not any more extra work.

[ But she points to one of the cabinets. ]

If you have to pay me back somehow, you can set the table. Okay?

Day 61, morning, voice

[deathisanopendoor]

[ A lot of stuff is happening. He's not sure if Chisa is paying attention to that, and busy with "more important" things than he has planned. He's not sure if she even recognizes his number.

But dammit, he's calling her anyway!! ]

Chisa...?

[alloutoflove]

[ Well she wasn't expecting it, though at least she's used to carrying a phone around all the time, and there's a fairly limited pool of people she'd even expect to be contacting her like this.

(Two. That pool is two.)

So when she picks up, she's tentative but not too confused, and she tries very hard to keep her voice even because it's still so nice! but weird!! to have Kyousuke use her name. ]

--Kyousuke! Good morning.

[deathisanopendoor]

[ This is totally normal and chill and nothing has been weird about our relationship ever. ]

I'm not interrupting anything, am I?

[alloutoflove]

[ We are perfectly functional adults in all ways. ]

No! No, you're n--

[ There's a faint crashing noise and a yelp before she continues. ]

--you're not! I was just cleaning!

[deathisanopendoor]

—What was that noise?

[alloutoflove]

I, um.

[ Now she sounds embarrassed. ]

I had to prop my mop up to answer, and it fell. I'm a little rusty, I guess...

[deathisanopendoor]

...

I was wondering if you were free today. But, I don't want to pull you away in the middle of anything.

[alloutoflove]

If I'm-?

[ Do not jump the gun here, Yukizome Chisa, there are many reasons why he'd want to know this. She can't help but sound a little hopeful, though. ]

Oh, no -- I mean, yes, I mean -- I'm just working in Willow. Nothing that can't be put off.

[ If you need me. ]

Day 65, evening, action: Willow

[rockyxiii]

[He'd texted ahead and he has Kyousuke and his duffel bag in tow. When they get to Willow, Juzo doesn't bother knocking; he goes right up to open the door, because who's gonna care? Chisa should know to expect them anyway.]

You know, I'm still thinking about buying proper security for all the dorms once I can afford it, but I've gotta say it's not bad just barging in whenever I feel like it.

[He says that to Kyousuke, then calls out into Willow:]

Yo!

[alloutoflove]

In here!

[ Is what she calls back from the kitchen; she emerges a moment later, both a little wide- and wild-eyed as she looks between the two of them. There's a part of her that still pretty clearly feels torn about the whole thing, but -- it should be fine if Juzo's there, right? Right. ]

I'm, um, I'm pretty sure I'm alone in this place at this point...

[deathisanopendoor]

[He's more subdued as he nods, following Juzo in.]

Your dormmates are out?

[He's not going to jump straight to her being literally the only one around.]

[rockyxiii]

[Juzo, on the other hand . . . while that sounds crazy, he's also noticing that she seems kind of shaken, and that this place seems pretty damn quiet. He doesn't say anything about it yet, but he looks around with a frown as he stops to get his boots off.]

[alloutoflove]

U--um. There was only one as far as I know. And I haven't seen him in a couple of days.

[ She even checked his room, with some apologies, and yeah. No sign of anyone. ]

It's been very quiet!

[ Which is why, when Juzo texted her earlier, she'd replied almost instantly, despite the misgivings she'd expressed about this before. ]

[deathisanopendoor]

...What?

[He cares less about her dormmates themselves. He doesn't even care about Chisa's loneliness quite as much as he thinks Willow is slowly disappearing and what if Chisa is in danger?]

You're the only one?

[rockyxiii]

You're—shitting me. This whole place and you're the only one in it?!

[He's having similar feelings, balancing the dual issues of being worried for Chisa's mental health and being worried for Chisa fucking disappearing pretty equally on his shoulders.]

—I'll stay over tonight!

[alloutoflove]

I, I mean, maybe he's staying with a friend of his instead, but... yes?

[ She's clearly taken aback by their reactions, looking between the two of them with some confusion. The idea that she might be next hasn't yet occurred to her.

(And honestly, even when it does, it's a less horrific prospect for her, because maybe disappearing and not having to have five hundred thousand feelings about everything all the time would be a nice break. She's not going to mention that, though.) ]

If you're serious about that, you can pick any room you like at this point, I think...

snail mail; sometime after everything in Arden Grove and before everything in Koriko

[deathisanopendoor]

[So, one day, an envelope is left at the Willow dorms, addressed to Yukizome Chisa—in kanji, not the local language, and in a familiar handwriting at that. When she opens it, she'll find a necklace with a silver moon charm, and two small diamonds to either side of it. There is also a letter:]

Dear Chisa,

I hope this letter finds you in peace and comfort. I believe Juzo has referenced the letter he received from me. Nothing obligates me to write this letter to you the way I was asked to write one to him, but I found the editing process a productive way to circumvent the confusion of attempting to explain my feelings in person, in the moment—and in the relationship between me and you, Chisa, the complications and history are much deeper. I fear that I have not adequately conveyed the nuance of my feelings for you, and that your perception of this leaves you uncertain. I do not claim to have certainty on this matter either, but the least I can do is illustrate the profundity of my love for you, in all of its many colors, so that you may interpret it for yourself.

I first began attempting to convey my feelings before you arrived, after I had sent off my letter to Juzo. Circumstances left things unresolved between us; I was never able to speak to you directly and ask you about what I had learned. In some ways that fact tormented me, but in others it was a mercy. It is so much easier to sort through my feelings when those feelings have no effect on you. It is the unfortunate nature of our tragedy that honesty and comfort can now be at odds. I hope that the comfort of honesty provides more lasting warmth to you than the transient comfort of superficial condolences, but even so, I will not force you to confront the ugliest of my feelings. You are not the person to whom they were directed. Those letters "to you" were a shallow fantasy of a universe where Despair's evil deeds existed separate from the woman whom I have loved for years. It does no good for me to lie to you about this: those deeds have given me the deepest scars among many. If one may describe emotional harm as near-fatal, I am forced to describe it as such. By now, I am sure you know this very well, and I will not stubbornly deny the obvious.

The fear I feel of those injuries is a visceral reaction I have not learned to control. As those who have been burned instinctively fear heat and fire, and as those who have been bitten instinctively fear the sight of teeth bared, Despair used you as its weapon so that in the end, I would instinctively associate you with my heartbreak—with an emotional abyss that once consumed me. But I will not be a slave to mere instinct. I believe in you, Chisa, and ultimately my love for you is more important than the hollow security I would receive from keeping my distance. I find it an unfairness to even consider that Despair might outweigh my years of feelings for you, in terms of importance to me.

You have inspired me both to work harder and to relax. You have demonstrated how to savor a single moment and how to energetically acquire many new and different experiences. You have given me confidence with your unshakable faith in me, and kept me humble by interjecting your own perspective. I cannot imagine what sort of person I would have been without you. Now that you are in a much more vulnerable position, I hope you do not discard that overwhelming potential that continues to reside within you. Would it be possible for a woman of lesser willpower to keep her true self locked inside her under those conditions for so long? Perhaps you are afraid to use your strength after what has happened, but I hope that you do not doubt it. Let your life be full of choices to deliberately avoid the pitfalls of the past, and do not take as a foregone conclusion that that strength is lost to you now. You are in control of your own life again. Don't let Despair continue to take that from you.

I remember our high school years with such fondness. The overwhelming number of memories I treasure make it difficult to express in words, but I know that you feel similarly, and understand what I mean by that. I have been striving to recapture that bliss ever since. Through the years, the memory of your youthful and vibrant smile served as my North Star. I wanted to return to that carefree peace, but that pursuit has had diminishing returns. I must find the path towards our future happiness, and not the happiness of our past. And I must learn to travel there under my own power, and not rely on you to guide me for every step. If I had not been metaphorically clinging to your hand as you guided me before, then I would not have been led so easily astray. You deserve to rest unburdened from that responsibility. I will gladly accept a helping hand, but I ask that you allow me to help you, too. Let us walk side by side, and make our decisions as equals. If anyone attempts to divest us of that right, ourselves included, we cannot tolerate it.

It is a futile exercise for us to mourn the relationship that we have lost. We will never again be children sharing our first kiss. There is so much about you, now, that I have yet to learn. For as many painful experiences as you encountered, there are your own thoughts and feelings locked away. Do not let Despair speak for you for all those years. I understand that you may not be ready to do so, but whenever you are, I wish to hear your own account of everything. I want us to learn about one another and fall for one another anew, with adult maturity and not simply naive infatuation. I want for our passionate embrace to be an extension of our conversation, and not a substitute for it. Together, with those ideals in mind, I believe we can find a paradise more vivid than we have ever known. Please trust me when I promise to you that my love will follow you through time and space, and that I will seek your companionship for as long as I have the capability. I will strive to be a man of virtue not only for you, but for the sake of our future that has yet to come.

I commissioned the enclosed gift for you before our conversation of Christmas, and now it is with sheepish awareness of its underwhelming statement that I present it to you. I am not sure if you remember the relevant conversation, as you were already quite drunk when I arrived at Willow, but I would like to reaffirm that I will be glad to accept your faux-Christmas gifts whenever you see fit to give them to us, despite the comments we will no doubt receive. I am beginning to think that moving too fast is preferable to being too late to inspire any excitement.

I hope that even a fraction of my feelings were captured by this letter, but regardless, I look forward to continuing to make our feelings known to each other in the years to come.

With love,
Kyousuke