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[alloutoflove]

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[alloutoflove]

That's enough.

[ Her voice is flat again, quiet under his anger. It's even more distant than when she'd last spoken to him, before he'd left their room.

She starts to wrap the parcel up again, careful; it won't be enough to completely mask the smell again, but it's something. ]

You really... you didn't have to stoop that low, Mallory.

[ringrust]

Huh?

[No way... He breaks into a sweat almost immediately.]

What are you saying...?

[alloutoflove]

Do you really hate me that much?

[ Now she looks up at him, still more tired than sad. ]

Is it such a bad thing, me making friends with other people...? Because I was Despair once, I'm not even allowed to reach out at all?

[ringrust]

What--? No, of course I don't hate you!

[So it's gone from thinking he just hates being around her to outright hating her? He could almost laugh, just to shake out some of this air that suddenly feels like poison in his lungs.

It comes out instead in an irritated sigh/growling sound.]

Listen, I'm trying to keep you safe! That little brat's hiding something and it could mean trouble for you or Luna.

[alloutoflove]

He wrote to me earlier.

[ What does she even do with this. After a moment she starts to walk off, towards where she knows there's a rubbish bin; if nothing else, she trusts him to follow her that far, so she keeps talking when she's no longer looking at him. ]

He wanted to know if I was all right. He was worried about me. It was nice, you know? Someone who didn't know anything about me, being concerned... and being nice to me...

Mm, that was stupid, wasn't it, hoping it'd be that simple.

[ringrust]

[I was worried, too.

Like saying that now is going to change her mind or anything. He sharply turns his gaze away even as he follows her, even if there are no longer those judging, disappointed eyes on him. Whatever. If she hates him that's fine, but he can't stand the idea of her thinking it goes both ways.]

...Life's never that simple. [They both know that.] A place like this is full of all kinds of crazy shit and things that want to eat you, body or soul... Even if it looks human, you can't trust it right away.

[Even if it looks like an old friend from back in your school days. Ha ha.]

I- I really do think that if anyone should have a second chance at happiness, you should. But I also think you should be careful.

[alloutoflove]

[ Yeah. Yeah, her thoughts go there too: Isn't that what I was? Not that long ago?

As it is, for the first time, there's an actual crack in her voice now, a wobble that can only mean one thing. It's not like it matters; it's not like he has any reason to trust her tears. ]

I was happiest when I was with the two of you. [ If I can't have that anymore, what's the point? ] Even when I was Despair, my goal wasn't the world. It was Luna, and it was you.

[ And since he's the one who brought it up first, she doesn't even hesitate in saying that; surely he also remembers what she was. Is that what he wants? For her to admit her guilt over and over? That's fine. If it means someday -- even if it's years from now -- she can have some scrap of his affection back, that's fine. But for now: ]

If you're trying to tell me I can't have that again, please just do it honestly, next time. I -- I'm an adult, you know, I can handle it.

[ringrust]

[What should be a touching confession only sends a cold tremor through his gut. Even someone corrupted by Despair was focused on him and Luna above all else? Abhorrent.

But it's not her fault, he reminds himself. He's more to blame than she is.

Still, his lip curls in clear frustration and his fist just clenches tighter. She knows he's never been great with expressing his feelings (and ironically he's just as bad at hiding them), and distancing himself after Despair sure didn't help him in that department. But he's been trying, lately, and he's willing to make that embarrassing effort for her, even now.]

The hell are you talking about...? You think that's what I've been trying to tell you? I've been saying the complete opposite- that I want to trust and believe you. [Why can't you believe me?]

You and Luna are practically my family. [Better than that. There's a reason he was so ready to give everything else up and devote his life to them the second they graduated.] All I want is you guys to be happy. [Even if it's together, without him.]

What do I need to do for you to get that?

[alloutoflove]

[ The package disposed, she finally turns back to him -- not entirely, but enough that she can actually look at him. There are tears on her face, though she seems unaware of them for the moment. ]

I don't know what to think. I don't know why you have to -- to do something like that and act like it was for my own good. I don't see you for days [ partly because she'd been avoiding him too, but whatever ] and this is the first thing that happens... what should I think about that?

And not just that... I don't know why you'd care, when you know what I was.

[ You were so ready to deal with me before, she doesn't add, though that hovers uneasily in the air unspoken. There have been a couple of nights where she's woken up with the memory of the weight of his arm over her throat, and she hasn't yet decided if she's more disappointed or relieved that he hadn't gone through with it. ]

I don't know what to think at all, anymore. What am I supposed to do?

[ Her tone goes pleading now, softer than before. ]

[ringrust]

[Don't cry, for starters. Last time he tried to comfort her with a hug it just led into a whole big argument about Luna, and he doesn't want a repeat incident of that. But is coldly pretending he doesn't see any better? Is there a single thing he can do without screwing it up?

He's got such a long, long, long record...

He anxiously rubs at the stump of his arm, though there's no wrist left to snare anymore - even now, he's so certain he can still feel it sometimes, and he hates it. He hates feeling trapped and helpless. Like a cornered dog.]

I don't know. [His shoulders sag a little with the admittance.] Hah. It's not like I'm the person you wanna ask that. [Name one good decision he's made.] Anyway, what's it matter what you were? I know what you were even before that, and that's who's gotta be left if the Despair's gone. Not like someone like me, who keeps bloodying my hands even now.

[But he doesn't want hers on them.]

[alloutoflove]

If we want to talk about people who aren't what they seem, or have blood on their hands...

[ Then look at who's talking. Seriously, look at her. She does, in fact, take a hesitant little step closer to him. However much she might feel lonely and isolated now, however much she's been trying to keep her distance, it's not like she can actually help herself, either.

It hadn't been a lie, that her focus had always been on the two of them. ]

It does matter, doesn't it? That's why he wanted you to keep an eye on me.

[ringrust]

[...There's no denying that much. But it's more complicated than that. She wasn't there to hear Luna's voice when they were discussing how to handle the possibility that she'd show back up in the first place. Who could have thought the colour fuchsia could look so stern in the stare he fixes on her?]

If he didn't think there was any hope for you, you'd be dead.

[He pulls up his shirt to prove it. The scar's still a deep burnt red just under his ribs, dipping just slightly into the hole left right through him. Try and deny that.]

[alloutoflove]

[ As soon as he fixes that look on her she freezes up again; she's so still that for a few seconds she's not even breathing.

When he raises his shirt, though, she lifts a hand -- not towards him, though, but to her own chest, pressed just below her breasts. It's not entirely a surprise; she'd watched that stabbing happen, and she'd seen him bleed out, alone and lonely in that breaker room. But she hadn't seen the injury itself, and that makes the whole thing that much more viscerally real.

(And there's one on her body as well, where her hand is pressed. Does he know about Luna going back to her? When he'd found the photos, and then stabbed her before going to find Mallory?) ]

I was. [ We both were. ] ...But here we are.

[ringrust]

[You know what I mean.

But he doesn't know what she means. While he's aware Luna found incriminating pictures against her, as far as he knows, her only 'death' to him was the one at the start of it all in the first place. Would he have had the conviction to kill her too if he found out sooner? ...He wonders. It was losing her in the first place that sent him spiraling into that sorry state, but...

Whatever. He lets the fabric slide back down his stomach, and lets his gaze fall with it.]

Here we are. Just brings us back to the question of "what now," huh.

[He shifts his weight for a moment, testing his leg out. Still not perfect but it's getting better. Or easier to tolerate.]

...Luna wants to go ahead with his plan. The one we set out on before all this. Do you remember?

[alloutoflove]

He does?

[ Why is that even a surprise? Maybe it's just because, after all this time, after everything that's happened, there's something sort of heartbreaking and cute that he would return to that dream.

For just a moment she smiles, and it's a real thing, warm enough to reach her eyes. ]

Mm. I do.

[ringrust]

He'd probably really appreciate all of us making that fresh start together.

[After all... With the two of them at Luna's side, it was no mere dream.]

I dunno about you, but I'm sure already tired of this game of seeing who can run away the furthest.

[alloutoflove]

Are you...?

[ Now she sounds a little more dubious, but she does take another step closer to him again, her hand uncurling and reaching out, slowly (so slowly, ready to pull back at an instant's notice) to reach out and take his wrist. The expression on her face is still more conflicted than anything, and she chews nervously on her lower lip. ]

I-- I'd like that too. I mean, I'd like to be able to -- I. I don't want to not see you. E, especially if we're in the same room...

[ringrust]

[His arm rises up to meet her touch, just slow enough that he hopes it isn't mistaken for some kind of threat or retreat. It's fine, she can even hug him if she wants. Even with her stinky poop hands.]

Yeah... that'd make things a little awkward.

[He snorts a little, his expression relaxing into what's almost a smile.]

Besides, you've been part of my life too damn long to just kick you out of it. It was already weird not seeing your face for just a couple of months here. So... talk to Luna too, alright?

[alloutoflove]

[ Excuse you she is the ultimate at cleaning and if you think she couldn't somehow get away with all that without getting shit on her hands you're wrong. Think about all the literal blood they never found on her after those kids.

So what she does ultimately is curl her fingers in his sleeve and then step closer, until she's actually within his personal bubble, even if she's not actually trying to hug him. (Yet? Yet??) ]

...fine. I will.

[ringrust]

[Whatever, the smell sticks to anything!!

There's a few seconds of uncomfortable silence before he just gives in and puts his other arms around her shoulders to pull her closer again. He's getting a little more used to this kind of thing, bit by bit. Besides, then she can't see the way his face scrunches up a little as he finally says:]

...And if you still think I should too after that, then... I've got no choice.

[Happy? He still can't fathom why she'd think it would be a good idea.]

[alloutoflove]

[ I guess they're BOTH shitty then,

She leans into that, turning to press her forehead against his chest. Her words come out muffled, but at least she also sounds more like herself than she has since their fight. ]

I do. I think, right now, especially... honesty will be better. After everything.

[ringrust]

[and then she really does drown in cleavage

He really doesn't want to do this... But he wasn't lying when he said he was tired of running. If that's what it'll take to try and get things back to normal, why the hell not.]

Tch. I hate it when you're right.

[He's just going to take a second and enjoy this moment. Properly, this time.]

[alloutoflove]

[ That's probably one of Luna's fantasies right there

The comment gets a shaky little laugh out of her, her shoulders shaking briefly under his arm. It's hard to tell whether she's laughing more or crying, because her voice is definitely watery when she speaks again. ]

I'm not always... I've been very wrong a lot more than I've been right!

[ringrust]

[Isn't it all of ours

Wow, that's not at all comforting to hear at this exact moment. Not that the truth behind that is kind at all. He tightens his hold on her and stares into space.]

On second thought, if I never let go, you don't get to be wrong about this and we'll still get to see a lot of each other.

[alloutoflove]

[ When he does that, she makes the most ridiculous little wheezing squeaking sound -- kind of like a small animal, and absolutely the sort of thing she would never be able to reproduce even if she tried.

But a moment later she manages a shaky giggle, leaning harder against him. ]

That -- that doesn't actually sound too bad to me...!